A Letter to My Firstborn

Quinn, Today is your 4th birthday and I can't even believe how the time has flown! Every time I look at you, it seems you've grown a foot while I wasn't looking! And yet the day you were born seems like yesterday. 

I remember when they handed you to me in the hospital. You were so perfect and small, with the most adorable chubby cheeks and thick dark brown hair. I knew in that moment that you were going to change my life forever and I was completely fine with that. 

Now here you are 4 years later and growing into such a handsome young man! Every day, you amaze me with your kind heart and gentle spirit! 

You are so nurturing with everyone around you and I love seeing the way you care for others, especially your little brother. You teach me every day to be more patient and loving with those around me. 

I love how cuddly and loving you are! I've always felt that it's important to show people your love for them every chance you get and you definitely do that! 

You are so smart and such a fast learner! You taught yourself all the letters and numbers before I ever had a chance to teach you!

And your smile! You have a smile that lifts spirits! When others see you smile, they can't help but be happy and smile back! 

But the thing I love the most about you, is the light of Christ I see every time I look in your eyes! You have such a strong spirit and so much faith! You're always reminding me to pray morning and night, and even just because. 

You wake up excited for church every Sunday even though you were nervous to go to class for so long. And now look at how far you've come! You love going to primary and you go to class every week and you're not scared at all! 

You are growing up right before my eyes, and every day is a new adventure watching you learn and discover new things! 

Quinton, I hope you know how much I love you and I hope that as you grow, you will continue to be the strong, amazing, kind spirit that you are now! The Lord has great plans in store for you!

Your Dad, Brother and I love you so much!

Happy Birthday Quinnie Winnie!

MOM

I just wanted to say a quick Happy Mother's Day to all you amazing moms out there! You all rock! I also want to say how grateful I am for the amazing moms I have in my life! And to make things more interesting, here's a few throwback pictures of all of them:)

My mother-in-law Debbie! I seriously lucked out!

My mom holding Quinn for the first time.

My cute little grandma Judie on her wedding day!

Mom on Quinn's blessing day.

My grandma Fran on the left for Kallai's baptism.

My grandma Linda and me in 1991! You can't see much of her but I just adore this picture of us!

My mom and I... no idea when! I look maybe 11?

My grandma Judie again back in 1997.

My mom and I. Don't you just love my hair?!

My favorite picture of my mom and Quinn!

I'm also so thankful that I'm lucky enough to be a mother to this little man and soon another!

Hope you all enjoy the rest of your mother's day!

QUINTON 3 1/2 YRS

I said it was coming and here it is! It was so hard not posting these pictures right after I finished editing them last night, but I did it! They turned out SO GOOD! I can't wait to get a few of these printed and up on my wall! I realized the other day that I talk about my pregnancy and the baby all the time but I never talk about Quinn! Which is crazy because he's been my whole world for almost 4 years! Quinton is literally my best bud and I do everything with him! He is such a character and goofball yet so smart! Here are a few fun facts about Quinn!

• He was a pretty big baby (8lbs 8oz) with the most adorable huge cheeks that everyone loved to squish! And here we are almost 4 years later, and he still has chubby cheeks but is super skinny and tall! I get asked on a regular basis if he's in kindergarten!
• Strangers are his favorite- I'm in trouble- and he will walk up to just about anyone and ask to be held and talk to them!
• He loves babies and is definitely a nurturer. He will follow them around trying to keep them safe and from getting into anything.
• He's pretty much a genius. But really. He has been able to read all the letters of the alphabet and has known how to count to 20 since before he turned 2! And he started learning to read at 3!
• He calls any kids he sees "my guys" even if he doesn't know them. He will sit at our kitchen window and watch kids walk by and say, "Mom look it's my guys! I have to go see my guys!" 
• Our 120lb rottweiler, Diesel, is his best friend. They spend all day playing together and cuddling on the kitchen floor.
• He loves drawing. On anything.
• He is the sweetest, most polite child I have ever met. He apologizes for anything and everything, always says please and thank you, says excuse me every time we walk past someone, and every day when I get ready he tells me I'm the prettiest princess!
• He is a huge cuddle bug! He always has to snuggle me if I'm laying down or sitting and he asks me every night if I want to come snuggle him in his bed.
• He thinks every day is his birthday. If you give him something, it's his birthday. If you make cupcakes, it's his birthday. Holidays with candy? It's his birthday.
• He loves making people laugh! He is always telling jokes and doing silly things just to make people smile!

I seriously love this kid more than anything in the world!

PREGGO DREAM DIARY

I thought it would be fun to jot down some of the crazy pregnancy dreams I have so that I can come back after Bren is born for a good laugh :-)

Last night I had a dream that I went into preterm labor at 20 weeks. We went to the hospital and I delivered a GIANT baby almost immediately. I'm not even kidding like 12 lbs! The baby was perfectly healthy but, surprise! It was a GIRL! Then I all the sudden felt movement in my belly again, like the baby was still in there, and I started bleeding. The doctor was freaking out and didn't know what to do. Then he just walked out of the room and it stopped. A nurse came in and told me it was time to go home. I was walking down the hall thinking it was odd that I was going home so soon and that I wasn't taking the baby with me. I walked through a doorway and was in a clothing store that slightly resembled D.I. and I was told to pick out some outfits for the baby since I didn't have any baby girl clothes. I started freaking out because I had just realized that I had a ton of little boy clothes that I couldn't return because I had taken all the tags off and I was going to be stuck with them. Then I woke up worried about returning the baby clothes! ;-)

And just for fun here is a video of Quinn with his latest phrase. Pretty much anything I say to him he follows up with "WHAT?!" and then does this terrible fake laugh! We've spent many hours just sitting on the couch saying it to each other!

Mariasha

VETERAN... OR SO I THOUGHT

It's funny how different it is being pregnant with Brennan than it was with Quinn. Maybe it's that it's been almost 4 years since I had him so I don't remember much about it, or maybe it's that this pregnancy is just different. There are so many things people say about your second pregnancy- You will know what you're doing this time, you will show sooner, you'll feel kicks earlier- and most of these things have proved true for me. But there has been one big difference.... I have NO idea what to expect this time around. 

In the last weeks before I had Quinn, I felt like my body was failing me. I never felt Braxton Hicks Contractions. I never felt him "drop". I never dilated.  My body just didn't do anything. I never went into labor. I had just assumed that when he was done cooking in there, my body would know what to do and everything would just happen on it's own. Maybe it would have happened on it's own if I had waited longer, but at the rate I was going it didn't look likely. 

A few days after my due date, I was induced so that Jared and my mom would be able to be there for the delivery. When I was admitted into the hospital, I still had not dilated or had any contractions. They put me on pitocin, and then gave me some drugs to help me sleep (it was the middle of the night). I slowly started having contractions, but I never really was awake enough to pay attention to what they felt like. The next morning around 10:30, they checked again to see if I had dilated at all and STILL NOTHING! Finally they decided to break my water, because clearly my body didn't want to do what it was supposed to. It was so frustrating feeling like my body was working against me. 

Things finally started moving after that, they gave me my epidural right away, and I dilated fairly quickly. At around 3 pm, it was time to start pushing, and at 3:14 after only a few pushes, Quinn arrived! Thank goodness my body knew how to do something right! He was a VERY healthy 8lb 8oz baby! I could not for the life of me understand why my body never went into labor on it's own, because CLEARLY he was ready! If they had waited the normal 2 weeks after my due date, I would have had a 10 lb baby!

After being induced with Quinn, I guess I just always assumed my next pregnancy would be the same way, and my body wouldn't know what to do on it's own. When people say no two pregnancies are the same, it is SO TRUE! This time around, I can actually feel my body preparing for labor. I have been having noticeable Braxton Hicks Contractions for about 4 weeks now! At first I thought maybe it was the baby stretching. About a week ago a light went off in my head, and I thought, are these contractions? I've had a baby before, and yet I have no memory of what contractions feel like! It's like I'm a first time pregnant woman again! After being reassured that they were BH I felt a lot better, but that was the moment I realized that I had no idea what to expect. I didn't know what was supposed to happen because it never happened with Quinn. I'm just now realizing that I will probably go into labor on my own this time, which will be a completely new and terrifying experience for me! I will actually have to time my contractions, have a hospital bag packed ahead of time, rush to the hospital, etc. And even though I'm scared because of all the uncertainty, it feels pretty dang good knowing that my body knows what it's doing this time around, and is preparing for it ahead of time. 

Mariasha

A GOOD MOM

The world wants you to believe that perfect child= good parent. That if your child doesn't like wearing clothes, your house is never clean, and your child likes to run away or throw tantrums when you try to take them to primary, that basically means you're failing as a parent and you should never have had kids in the first place. To all you awesome moms out there who are doing your best, I want you to know that I truly think you are a good mom!

I was a VERY strong willed child even at a young age, and I was the queen of tantrums! I was the little toddler you see screaming in the grocery store because they didn't get what they wanted, but I took it to the next level. I would actually cry and not breathe in until I made my myself pass out! My poor mother didn't know what to do, and my doctor advised her to just ignore me! Can you imagine the looks she must have gotten from all the horrified shoppers, clearly thinking she must be some terrible woman who can't control her child? Well you know what? I happen to have one of the most amazing mothers in the world! She was patient and loving and she accepted me for the total independent strong willed child I was even when I entered the frustrating teenager stage at 8 years old;) Now that I'm an adult and am still that way, I've realized that's just my personality, and nothing my mother could have done would have changed that.

When I was pregnant with Quinn, everyone would tell me that I was going to have a child just like me so that I would know what it was like for my mom. I would always say that was never going to happen because I was going to be a strict mom who disciplined her child and he would be perfect. (I know right?) Well Quinn surprised everyone and was the perfect little baby who never cried an slept all the time  and I could not have been more proud!Then when Quinn started crawling, things slowly started changing. It was subtle so I didn't think much of it. I would take him with me to relief society, and he would wiggle and squirm until I put him down on the ground. Then as he got bigger he started flailing around so it was impossible to hold him while sitting down. And then the throwing started. When he didn't want something he would just throw it. And by it I mean everything. Toys, food, bottles. Then he started walking. Or I guess I should say running. Mostly away from me. And when you tried to hold his hand he would drop down on the ground so his hand was yanked out of yours and  then make a break for it. On and on I could go but I won't bore you with the details. Basically he's 3 1/2 now and is still extremely strong willed and independent.

Now I'm not saying he's a bad child. He doesn't hit or break things or fight with other kids. In fact he's extremely sweet and polite and says sorry when I'm having a bad day even if he didn't do anything and always uses please and thank yous<3 He just doesn't like feeling restricted and when he gets excited he has a hard time remembering simple instructions like "stay next to me and don't run away."

This has totally turned into a novel so I'm going to get to the point. I made the not so smart decision to look online for advice on Quinn's running problem since obviously it's a safety issue, but I feel bad keeping him in a stroller when we go to fun busy places like the zoo, because all the other kids are running around and he can't see anything sitting down. Needless to say, 30 minutes later I was on the verge of tears because everyone online seemed to think that since I couldn't keep my child next to me, I was a terrible mother who couldn't control her child. 

Well you know what? I think I'm a good mom. I'm not anywhere near perfect, but I'm still a good mom. And so are you.

My house is usually not clean, but I tell my son I love him every chance I get.

I rarely have a healthy home cooked meal that we eat at the kitchen table, but I tuck my child in and give him kisses and hugs every time he goes down for a nap or bed.

My son is almost always naked because I can't get him to keep his clothes on for longer than 5 minutes, but I take the time to snuggle and talk with him every day.

Quinn probably watches way more tv than is recommended, but I have read him his favorite Dr.Seuss book so many times over the last 3 years that I can recite all 20+ pages from memory.

I don't take him outside nearly a much as I should, but we spend just about every second of every day playing and laughing together.

And I'm terrible at getting my child to go to primary each Sunday without screaming and kicking as I drag him down the hall, but I pray with him every morning and night and before each meal.

So to all you moms, who think you are failing or letting your child down, go give them a big hug, tell them you love them, and know that you are awesome!

Mariasha